Suicide can hardly be more high profile than it is this week. Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade, gone. Overall stats are all up considerably. It seems suicide is more than just a persistent pathology among troubled individuals and is starting to feel like a social movement.
On the one hand, I cannot judge anyone’s ultimate decision, but I can speak a few words about how I see it. Most suicides are abstract and detached. Fortunately, I’ve never known someone really close to have pulled the trigger, but certainly, yes, friends and family of people I know.
The story of Bourdain, although a huge celebrity and unknown to me personally, felt a little different. For years, I was compared to him in looks. at least when I was much skinnier. He could easily be a twin brother and is very close to the same age as me. He is a ‘Chef’, I am a ‘cook’ and more than any other single individual, he has inspired my cooking. Being almost totally divorced from popular TV viewing, I’ve never seen a single one of his shows but I’ve read about them and followed his career and thoughts closely through web media.
To learn of his self-demise was a huge puzzle, the great why. I know that fame carries its weight, immeasurably impossible for the average Joe to grasp, but then again, most celebrities don’t buckle under the strain, and neither did Bourdain by all outward appearances. He was well rounded, based and grounded by great instincts, a healthy skepticism, and experience. So why? Just how deep could the demons hide?
I cannot judge but I can speak my own words. I understand severe chronic pain, terminal disease, or especially a combination of both. I understand less, most mental distresses. If Anthony had them, even acutely, he hid it well. He was certainly not the incapacitated victim of inner pathologies and yes, there is help available here for all but the worst cases. Relationships; there are another potential seven billion on this earth, not to mention that he was intensely loved by millions. If he or any other were a last man standing maybe that would be different. The fact is, we all have survivors. In Anthony’s case, she is 11 years old. If I accepted everything else up to this point, (I don’t), this is where I would get off the bus. Suicide is a supremely selfish act. It is to lay a tragic unreconcilable weight upon those that love you and depended on you. While this would be less so for that chronic painful and terminal scenario, in this case the daughter will suffer greatly and spend the rest of her life sorting this out.
The present wave of social sentiment pushes all to accept unconditionally, the plight of the suicidal. Call 1-800… While that’s a nice start, I think we have to take a step backward and call it for what it is; Selfish, in some cases, maybe in most. I won’t be the ultimate judge, but I have to say the word. If we all said it, maybe fewer would need 1-800 and fewer would do the deed.