There seems to be a revival sweeping the land. Everywhere you turn, progressives have suddenly woken up to new manifestations and fruits of woke that were far from their hard hearts and minds a year ago, even months, weeks, and days ago. You can be any one of thousands of genders you want, they caught that one just in time. Reparations now, but not until now, because white people kept me from doing it (Obama). Even more masks and lockdowns now, even next year, even though numbers are going down now and a vaccine is being mass distributed, even though masks were unnecessary at the beginning of the pandemic, even though I’ve been studying pandemics my whole life. (Fauci). Cancel Dr Suess today, even though he was extoled by Michelle Obama and Kamala Harris over the past few years; they’ve seen the light, glory hallelujah! Bezos has seen the light too; won’t sell those racist ‘hate’ filled books either, even though he sold them last week, last month, last year, ever since he’s been in business. Ebay too – me too – me no sell either. Yesterday (literally) was different, today is today. Cancel Cuomo today, even though you knew he was cooking the Covid books way last year, even though you gave him some stupid meaningless reward, his diddle gate an open secret. And his brother Chris, and the august CNN – that paragon of ethics, suddenly doesn’t cover brother-Andrew in his darkest hour having learned like all the rest of us just a week or so ago that -gasp- Andrew was not on the up and up…give those boys another award, make it a Nobel this time.
I could go on and on. What is this revival taking the land? One really wonders, exactly who passed on the memo to Jeff Bezos, the piece of paper, the phone call, the email. Maybe he was down on his knees and it just came to him out of the heavens. Unhate one day, hate the next – or the other way around depending on how you parse it. I’m really curious. Hearts and minds cleansed, repentance in full passion. Musta been one hell of a revival service. It even inspired Obama (the leader of the free world for eight years) to suddenly back reparations, bolstered his weak knees against the oppression of whitey that had kept his vision low, fearful, his hands slack. He cast off the crutches of infirmity, looked up into heaven and shouted, I have the power now! What a day, O happy day!
“You know better you do better”. Wow. Steeped in progressive liberalism for all these years, a generation or more even, surrounded by academic minds and suddenly you know something you didn’t know yesterday. Breasts should have been chests all along. Of course, menstruation is the most natural thing in the world for someone born with testicals. Wombless males have babies all the time, don’t you know you hating bigoted hater you? So you do better. We should have known all along that ethnicities were tender little buttercups that could be crushed by a breath, a glance, a doodle, sent into their deepest darkest existential hour by the marauder, but only the white marauder, most likely male – that figures, and absolutely conservative. The progressive is atoned for, even the white one. They shall not go where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. They feel, they feel deeper than anyone else could possibly feel. A rainbow crown is prepared for them and they shall inherit the earth. Their glory shall be revealed, their virtue signaled to every living thing, and all other shall bow before them and receive their guilt. So shall it be for ever and ever and ever.