If you’re like hundreds of millions this morning, you’re rejoicing that sanity has finally returned to the Whitehouse! It’s been a long grueling four years of nonstop drama and insults to right thinking people everywhere. So because Joe is a Democrat, we really have to break this down to special interests because the Democrat party is nothing if not an amalgamation of special interests, except in this year where we do have one special enemy in common, Covid, to be met by our very special savior, Joe Biden, who will now in his own amazing way, enact everything that Donald Trump planned for, wanted to do, provided for, except that he was stymied by us good people, media, the Democrats, RINOs, deep staters, and all their allies; and as such, Joe will reap all the credit that would have gone to the nasty Donald if he had ‘won’. Nothing could be more appropriate. But let us get to our special interests…
To people of color, for whom this whole woke thing is most apropos, let’s start with you. Federal ‘money’ will be flowing like no tomorrow. You’ll have special preferences set aside for you, especially for the 1% of you designated to fill government and academic posts that are yours by birthright, and by that, we do mean skin color, the ultimate qualifier. The other 99% of you that enjoyed the highest employment rate in modern history a scant year ago, well, we have something better for you now that we engineered the death of the best economy ever, federal ‘money’! The dignity of work is way over-rated, employment, meh, why bother? We have programs on top of programs to be administered by well connected ‘program’ pimps. They’ll take a substantial cut in bureaucracy and serve you the happy crumbs, for which you’ll be so grateful, we’re sure of it!
And while we’re on woke, let’s not forget all of you that have signed on to the infinite constellation of genders, identities, preferences, and proclivities. No more guilt and shame from your leaders – even though the prior administration demonstrated no bearing on your life choices – even though you carried a chip on your shoulder and dared any non-progressive to touch it; you too can shut down your restaurant, or your little gallery in that decimated downtown area that will never come back due to permanent Covid economic re-ordering, especially in Democrat controlled cities and states. You too will enjoy your top 1% getting set aside positions. All the rest of you can celebrate your new progressive freedom, at least those of you that don’t get out of bed each and every morning with soul-crushing gender dysphoria – which too was the fault of Donald – even after he’s gone, long after he’s gone.
And to the fortunate everyone else which is really everyone, thank God that your paycheck will get smaller, and to those that never pay any tax directly, that every single thing that you buy with your hard-earned government subsidies will buy less. Less because there will be less businesses to compete on prices, because they too pay more taxes and pass it along, and all of their costs of production are also handing down the increases. Then there will be the crushing costs of regulation heaped high on business – for your protection of course. But don’t worry, since most of what you buy is from China and not made by US labor, those increases will be a little less. Too bad there will be fewer of you employed as a result but what the hey…At least you can rejoice because the fewer or you who are productive will be supporting the more of you that are not productive. This we call compassion, and you shall be really happy that you can participate in it.
If all of that wasn’t enough, there is this thing that nobody really cares about – foreign policy, our standing in the world and so forth, the thing that even most good globalist Democrats sniff at. We sure as hell had our share of dignified foreign haters as long as Donald the Orange was at the helm but now the EU aristocracy at least can feel at home with one of their own – as they saddle us with their demands which will no doubt be humbly accepted, because Joe is a good man. And the middle east especially, we’ve dispensed with the incompetence that gave us I believe three different peace deals with the neighbors of Israel so now we can get back to responsible foreign policies, like bombing the crap out of Muslim peoples and children.
Buckle up Military Industrial Complex because your heyday is about to return! God knows how many wars we can keep spinning at once now – but I’ll bet on at least two or three! Do I hear two or three continents at once? Because Biden is our gift to strong-men around the globe and you know what strong men like? Weak brittle American foreign policy and addled theorist for decision makers and Oh! My! God! compromised leaders because they’re holding IOU’s !! Yes, we’ll get to show our testicular fortitude early and often as every tin-horn despot takes their turn gaming us, but what’s not to like about that? None of that mamby pamby peace crap!
Oh, I almost forgot one thing back here at home, LAW AND ORDER! You know, how Joe and Kamala gained so much traction last year kissing antifa arse as they rioted against Trump’s America…well that was special you know and given that both Joe and Kamala made their long and distinguished political careers on the cornerstone of zero tolerance of criminals (you), locking up petty criminals for a long long time, even lil-ol pot smokers, and basically crushing the same poor mostly black demographic that rioted to support team Joe & Kamala, well, you can’t change a zebras stripes! And there aren’t any Orange stripes around as of this morning if you know what I mean, so guess what? We’re going back to pre-Donald America and pre-campaign Joe and Kamala, just so you’re aware, just the way you wanted it, just because…
So Good Morning Woke America!!!